I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
