Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
