cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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