I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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