Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
