I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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