Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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