No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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