after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
