dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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