saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
