I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
