why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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