TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
