gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
