suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
