I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
