I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
