Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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