saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize