Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
