just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
