Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You can't motorboat a personality
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
