Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
