K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
