everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
