I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
