i'm lost and i look like a hooker
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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