hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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