Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
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I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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