Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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