Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
