we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
