Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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