when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
