I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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