I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
