yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And then the night went full on bisexual.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
