I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
