There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
