Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
please come you make the beer taste better
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Randomize
