the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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