Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
