she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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