My Higher Power is John Stamos
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
