I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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