I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
