I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
