it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
