Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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