woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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