DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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