So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
