Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
