I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
