if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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