I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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