it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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