I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
