I think I won the penis lottery.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
