I faked an abortion last night.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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