Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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