thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
