I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
