flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
