i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
