i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
