i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
