; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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