You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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