I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
