Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
