just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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