I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Someone shit on the floor
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
