you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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