you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Panties = found
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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