So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
