How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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